Friday, 8 August 2014

The biggest decision

Today I feel like an adult and it sucks!

That's because yesterday I came to was forced into making one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. A decision I have known that I must make for some time now and have been dreading making. A decision that could only be made by an adult.

I have been hiding from making this decision because I just want it so much. To swim the channel is my big dream, the one thing I have always wanted to do. But it's time to finally be realistic and make the most difficult of decisions.

Yesterday I finally admitted to myself - and now it is time to admit it to you too - that I WONT be swimming the English channel this year! & I'm not afraid to admit that I had a little cry. I have put so much time, energy and money into my quest over the past (nearly) 12 months and so to know that I will not be making my attempt at the end of September as planned is utterly heartbreaking!

But it's just not possible. I'm ready. I believe that I'm in good enough shape to give it a damn good crack. But like everything else it comes down to a matter of money. Something I simply don't have enough of - by a long way - to be able to do this now.

But I'm not broken!
And I'm not giving up!
I've simply been forced into postponing my swim for a year (I will be talking to my pilot about a date for next year shortly).

Although leaving me feeling completely gutted in the short term, I know that postponing is the right decision. A weight has been lifted. There is no longer any need to stress about this. I can start to enjoy swimming again! 

This way I have a second chance. A chance to prepare fully. To train harder, eat healthier, complete extensive outdoor training, save up to pay for the full costs and give the time and effort necessary to raise as much money as I can for my chosen charity C.A.L.M.

Down but not out. In the immortal words of the less immortal Terminator "I'll be back!"

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